Lessons learnt on a 3 month getaway

This past year has been hell for me, there's been a war inside myself between my head and my heart, and in between that war I was dying. So I decided I needed time for myself, so over the summer I went back home to Portugal for 3 months to stay with my grandma and to get away from my reality. In hopes of getting over my depression. Whilst I was away I learned many lessons;

1. Never run away from your problems;

Me going to Portugal for three months was a way of me running away from my problems, my reality, and in some ways myself. However, what I didn't realize was that, when you have a problem, it's because it's your problem and being that it's YOUR problem it's gonna stick with you and go with you wherever it is you go. I wasn't running away from anything, I was simply taking it to a better place. Running away from any problem does not fix the situation, it only increases the distance from the solution. And you also cannot fix a problem if you refuse to acknowledge its existence. If you're not happy in one place you're not gonna be happy somewhere else, because the problem is inside of you, the happiness you seek is within yourself, not in your surroundings. Though your surroundings do affect you, but if your minds in the right frame then you should be also. Something that really bugged me from "attempting" to run away from my problem was that, I ran away to a place where in my head everything was perfect, I had a perfect childhood growing up, I ran away to that perfect nostalgia, in an imperfect state, and I was living in fear that anything I may do might of ruined that image of my perfect childhood. I was seeing people and places from my past, meddling with my childhood and threatening my childhood with a new broken me. I was scared that as I hadn't been my true self at that time because of my situation, I was giving people of the past an image of someone who I'm not and destroying the person who I was in their minds. If you want to truly run away from a burden or to get rid of an issue, the easiest way to escape is to solve it. Face it head on, with or without fear!

2. Not everyone can be trusted;

Towards the end of my holiday, I met this girl, me and this girl became good friends really quickly, she started telling me about her problems, and I shared some of mine. She was telling me about one of her friends and a situation that he is in, and it closely resembles my situation, she was struggling to understand this persons problem and hurting on his behalf. Me being the person I am, I shared with her my deepest darkest secret, in order to help her understand and accept, to teach her the ways in which this guy may be feeling and advising how she may try to help him. All of this only to find that, doing good isn't always good. I am a very influential person and a very naive and innocent person also, who easily and often gets mistreated and abused due to my kind and naive heart. A few weeks before my departure home, I had found out that this girl who I THOUGH (enthuses on THOUGH) was my friend had been spreading what I told her. It didn't bother me that she had been a bad friend or that she had been dishonest, what bothered me was that my previous fear of ruining my past was beginning to become more and more real.

Some people can be trusted to tell the truth, others can be trusted to lie. Some can be trusted to love you, others can be trusted to hurt you - When you break someone's trust that person may begin to build walls towards those around them, walls that are too high to climb and too thick and strong to break, walls that may potentially isolate and destroy the person within. Trust is like credit. It starts out fresh, with potential. But if you do something stupid to screw it up, it can take a long time to fix. Trust is also like a mirror, once it's shattered, it can be mended, but it will never be perfect again. Trust is important in any relationship. When someone breaks that trust, it hurts everyone. And it can take a long time to mend. Due to this I've been having a pretty tough time trusting people lately, and if you've noticed, I'm sorry, it's nothing personal.

3. I'm truly blessed with the family that I have;

Whilst in Portugal, I met a lot of beautiful wonderful people, and I met some amazing families, these people that I met, these families that I got close to, as beautiful and amazing as they are, they are human. I got the privilege to suffer through with these people's problems and all the family disputes and issues. And I started to realize through literally watching these families break down, how truly lucky I am to have the family that I have, they are a blessing in my life. I've been raised in a family that is centered around love, respect and loyalty, a family which stand and support each other through everything and anything. In my family there are literally no secrets, everything is out on the table and we all try and find ways to guide and help each other forward. However, my family isn't perfect, we fuss, fight, argue, and ignore each other sometimes... But when push comes to shove we still love and support each other all the same. At church I have heard time and time again people say how perfect my family is, truth is you don't see us at home, you don't see our demons and our fights. We all put on brave faces though the world around us is crumbling at times. We may not always see eye to eye, but when things get tough we are still a family. And we may not have it all together, but together we have it all. Family isn't just about whose blood runs through your veins. It's about who never left your side, stood up for you and believed in you. I only get one family, they are an irreplaceable treasure which God has loaned me, and I'ts my duty to cherish and love them before it's too late cause he will need them back some day.

4. I am damn proud to be Portuguese;

The pastries, the food, the beaches, the weather, the warm down to earth people, the history, the anthem, everything. I may not have been in the right frame but I was definitely in the right place. Going home, and the time alone, the mixture of it all basically cured me.

5. Everybody talks;

6. You can't please everyone at once, you can't always get what you want & you cannot have it all;

We all have dreams, wishes, desires and basic human needs. Whatever it is you want, whatever it is you work hard to go after you better believe that there is at least one person who isn't gonna agree. As individuals we all have different thoughts, different opinions, what you do may affect others. Say for example you really want a bar of chocolate but people you love and who love you don't agree because "It has too much sugar" or because "It's unhealthy and could make you fat" but you really want that bar of chocolate, you strongly believe that bar of chocolate will make you happy. Also to add to your dilemma there will be other people who are also close to you that will say "Just eat it, it's your life, it's your body" or "One bar won't hurt, once in a while we all need a bit of deliciousness". Now you're stuck, you think "should I? Shouldn't I?". If you want it and you feel there's nothing wrong with it, and that it's not against any rules, YOU SHOULD! If that chocolate bar makes you truly happy, just eat it, and don't you dare regret it.

But let's say your problem is more complex than if you should eat chocolate, let's just say your problem, or your decision could change your life completely. It can be anything from your career path, a marriage proposal, your health, whether you should go to church or not, or how you should use your credit card, whether you should come out of the close or not, or maybe how you'll go about fixing a mistake you've made, whatever it is. If it's complex, if it's gonna affect you and those around you, (me being a religious person I'm gonna say) if it's gonna affect your spirituality, and cause you any consequences in the next life or this life, don't be stupid enough to act before you think, and I mean truly think about it. Think about the pros, think about the cons, put everything into perspective, lay it all out in front of you and reflect. If you want that job, think about if its worth any problems that could occur, if your gonna have to work extra shifts which means you'll spend less time with your family, is it really worth it? You may miss your child's first step, it's first word, their first game. If that man or woman is loving and caring enough to support and love you and your family for the rest of your life and eternity, if you two love each other enough to go through all the ups and downs life will throw at you and still be close and strong as a unity in the end, will it work out in the long run? These are somethings you may need to consider.

With your health, should I really eat that? Should I drink that? What will happen if I smoke that? When coming out of the closet, you'll worry about all the hate and the judgement, if people will care less on not, but the thing to remember is do you feel happy in the closet, or will you feel better feeling free and not having to hide something that is so strongly a part of you? Will it make you most happy? If yes, Just do it! When fixing a mistake you've made, how should I do it, who do I apologize to? The thing is all of these things that I've mentioned, all these examples I've given, each situation affects somebody, each circumstance can make or break relationships, and maybe even lives. But if it makes you happy, and you go ahead with your decision you will find that those who truly love you will support, and those who don't support you aren't worth the trouble. Dr Seuss once said "Those who matter don't mind, and those who mind don't matter!" gotta love Seuss. Some people won't mind and support you, others will mind but put effort into supporting you anyways, but there are also a good few people who will disagree and make sure you know how much they hate the idea and could possibly hurt you for your actions. What I tend to do when I make decisions is I remember that whatever I do, and whatever I choice it's been me and my heavenly father (God) and nothing else matters.

7. People aren't what they seem;

I was foolish enough to trust that girl back in Portugal, and because of that, not only did it ruin the end of my holiday, but it also caused me fear, it caused me pain, trust had been broken I began building walls. But she seemed nice, she seemed honest, and I also took in the fact that she's a Mormon like me, I thought she could be trusted, I thought it would okay. Don't make the same mistake that I did, I learn about people before you decide you know them enough, cause they will surprise, whether in a good way or a bad way, everybody has a flaw, everybody has a secret. "The best recipe for life is the people who share it with you. You'll know the best ingredients when they touch your heart." (author unknown).

In conclusion-

The only way to make successful changes is to be honest about your current situation, just accept and take it one step at a time, it may be painful and it may be frightening, but the more steps you take the closer you'll be to the finish line. And on your way you meet people who will change your life, and in one way or another help you strengthen yourself and help you become a better person, either through love or hate the point is, life will guide you and when things don't work out and when things go wrong, move on, it just means that God has a better plan for you that you may have for yourself, because you only see now, but he already knows what's coming.

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